Everyone has encountered a narcissist before. If you think you haven’t, pay attention. It might be someone who is close to you. You might just be choosing to ignore the signs. At first, it’s hard to notice it in the moment. However, once you leave the situation and look back, it’s so obvious how manipulative they were. You will get better at identifying the more you focus on your own healing. To me, narcissists can be described as master manipulators. Someone that has no connection to their own soul or the Creator. Therefore, need to harvest energy from others. They will go after the brightest, most spiritual person in the room because that person has the strongest connection of their own. They shape shift, fake it, talk bullshit, and have no depth of their own. One thing I’ve wondered is, are they self aware? Do they know how toxic their behaviour is, or do they do it subconsciously because they need the energy? I’ve never gathered the courage to approach one and ask ha-ha I think that would really make them mad. Either way you need to limit your time with these types of people. I know I sound cold towards them and the truth is I am. I carry empathy for people, but I don’t agree with how narcissistic people treat others – even if they aren’t aware. UM HELLO, BECOME AWARE LIKE THE REST OF US. But deeper than that, I’ve been treated extremely poorly by these types of people, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. If standing up for myself and respecting myself makes me the bad guy in your story, then so be it. Because the thing with narcissists is that they wont stop taking from you. Every single day they need energy, and if you allow them to take from you, then you will forever be their source of energy. Leaving you with not enough energy for yourself. Is that just? No, stand up for yourself. This is how I did.
I used to work with one of the most conniving narcissistic people I’ve ever met. At first, I stayed quiet. I laughed at the jokes once in a while. Sometimes, I fed into the gossip. I made small chat to keep the relationship satisfied (as she was a co-worker). Let’s call her Karen for the sake of the story. Well, Karen latched onto my energy. She knew I was liked, magnetic and had powerful energy and she wanted it for herself. I will save you some time. Playing defensively with a narcissist will never work. You will still end the workday drained and dreading going to work tomorrow. The thing is, usually when you chat with a friend or someone you get along with there is an energy exchange. They get yours and you get theirs. So, you’re not empty at the end of the conversation. Narcissistic people don’t have their own energy source. No matter how much you engage with them there is no energy of theirs for you to get. You know what changed everything? One day I had enough, and a switch went off in my brain. I decided to start playing offensively. I am going to start standing up for myself. I will not accept this treatment. I not only pissed Karen off. I also burnt that bridge to dust. This was the first time in my life I truly feel like I succeeded against an extremely manipulative person. This is what I did. I silenced her out. She proven herself to not be worthy of my energy because of how she treated me, therefore she lost access to me. A very minimal “good morning” and “have a good night” was said. This went on for awhile and let me tell you, I felt SO much better not chatting with her everyday. It was not awkward for me, and I enjoy silence over gossip anyways. (If you are the type of person that can’t deal with silence this step might be difficult for you). Next, now that a boundary has been set and you’re limiting their access to your energy that they once got, they are going to start acting out. Confrontation may happen at this point, but you have to stick with it. You will notice they get more impatient with you and say rude comments (and afterwards just say they’re joking of course) don’t laugh if the joke isn’t funny. Instead feed it back to them. Whatever rude thing they said to you or about you, approach it with logic. You don’t need to be rude back, in fact that’s not who I am, and I can proudly say I’ve never spoken poorly to Karen. I don’t need to sink to her level. But I will approach the smart-ass comments with true intelligence. Or my personal favourite, don’t say anything back. Instead, just stare at them and sit in silence. Make them reflect on what they said out loud to you. I love self awareness. Again, they are not worthy of your energy, words or presence. This is an extremely difficult situation when working with them. Remember to show yourself compassion, don’t be afraid to chat with HR about it, and stand up for yourself. They want your energy and eventually after they realize they don’t get any from you, they will stop. Bullies from school don’t go away, they become narcissistic assholes that adults have to work with and just like in middle school, you must stand up to them. This is an act of self-love!!! If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments or dm me on Instagram.
With love,
Jessie
The Malleable Path.