Do you ever feel lonely? Have you ever explored that feeling when it arises?
I could classify myself as an independent introvert. I have lived alone for the past couple of years, and they have been the greatest years of my life. I seldomly feel lonely, if ever. In fact, I would never call myself a lonely person. But recently a weird feeling took over for some time. It was disguised as loneliness but the more I explored it I realized what it really was.
I discovered that I was wanting deep connections. You know those long talks about God, the universe, your deepest passions and fears. The mutual feeling of comfort, ease, and belonging. Vibing on the same level and not paying attention or caring about what time it is. It had been a while. This type of depth isn’t something you can find from going to the bar on the weekend. I strongly dislike small talk, surface level conversations about the weather or complaining. I think it is a waste of everyone’s energy and would prefer people don’t speak unless they have something of value to say. My theory is that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, so why do we speak more than we listen? It should be the opposite. One of my favourite things is to listen and watch someone talk about their strongest passion. Seeing the sparkle in their eyes and feeling the magnetic energy. It inspires me.
The truth is only you can figure out for yourself whether you are lonely or lacking true connection. If it is loneliness, I still believe it’s not anyone else’s job to heal that for you. My first answer is always to reach out to God. God is always there for you, and loneliness can be a tool to help you get there. If you discover that you love your own company and you never feel alone, however, you do crave deep connections with others. Well, here is my advice – put yourself out there. Do all the things you love to do or want to do by yourself and be open to meeting people while you’re there. Spin classes, pottery classes, language learning classes, church, even while you are at the pet store, be open to the people around you and start new conversations. You can also lean into your friends, family, and community. You may need to be the one that initiates a deeper conversation, but you may be pleasantly surprised by someone that is already in your life that is also craving more meaningful conversations. What I’m saying is, if you start to look for it and ask God for it, then you will find it.
You need to start seeing ‘lonely’ and ‘bored’ times in your life as blessings. These times are true gifts from God. A unique and rare opportunity for deep healing and transformation. There isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t thank God because the truth is, not everybody gets to work on themselves so closely or get to quiet their mind enough to listen to their soul. It’s a loud and busy world, so if you do have a ‘lonely’ period in your life, I urge you to take full advantage of it.
With love,
Jessie
The Malleable Path.